I take friendship seriously and it is a hill I’m willing to die on. Platonic intimacy is what keeps our human cylinders firing and we’ve collectively allowed it to become a secondary function of relationships. Your life partner will love you and do things to and for you that a friend cannot (eg. change your last name or bind bloodlines) but what they cannot do is fulfill and round out your life the way friends can. Friendship is the prize. Always.
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I think I have this idea in my mind that I’m a very laid back person . It’s dawning on me (at an admittedly snail’s pace ) that that’s simply untrue. I mean, there’s a lot that I don’t mind but there’s plenty that I do. And thats the secret: minding is OK!
Continue reading “Minding & Maintenance”
Dare to be happy, to be you. I dare you (because your life depends on it).
‘I want to be happy‘ said by a toddler sounds innocently profound and all the little human happens to be talking about in that moment is that she’s taking a nap in the sun or getting an extra slice of watermelon. A dare used to be a call to adventure. Be yourself sounded like bogus advice: kante what have I been doing? The simplest terms have become the most complicated.
My favourite adjective-come-verb in the English language is: to disarm (adj. Disarming). It’s such a lovely compliment to call it “a disarming smile.” as in: Your countenance has moved me in such a way that I’m dropping my weapons/I didn’t see you coming and you knocked the wind out of me/I didn’t have time to put up my walls/we could’ve been at odds but instead you’ve won me over. You disarmed me. This is the story about my fight with beauty and how lipstick of all things, is what eventually disarmed me.
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I’m learning to listen to all the dreams I whisper and “joke” about so that I don’t have to to reckon with the extent of my longing. The whispers are like seeds: tend to them for they’re trying to tell you the things that you’re not ready (or willing) to know about yourself yet.
I love contradiction. I enjoy being one. I love that the human experience is one shot, no training wheels and full of surprises (and it’s been a while since I did a listicle of my weird and wonderful unsolicited thoughts on stuff).
Continue reading “Norms & Conditions”
“I’m lovely and lonely and belong deeply to myself”. All hail Queen Warsan Shire. Let’s break this down really quickly. Lovely: is one of my favourite words, it’s pure and unambiguous. Lonely: some people think that alone means lonely. I am not some people. My name is Ntoetse Lerotholi and I believe in community, I Belong. I’m also one of the most social “loners” you’ll … Continue reading I’m Lovely not Lonely & Belong, deeply
A heartbroken human is a raw human. You get to confront all of the stuff you usually swat away. You learn the depths of your sorrow, the cost of your loss and the limits of your crazy. And hopefully you treat this raw exposed nerve version of yourself with grace and without judgement.
We’re all living through a pandeminc and we’ve all had our hearts broken.
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Alternate title: “I have other talents” a meditation on fear and failure.
I’m a dreamer, a scientist and an artist. An optimist and a realist. I believe in the life-affirming power of contradictions and fear.
The word Diaspora is an acknowledgement of the nature of our relationship. That though we are scattered across the globe, we share common blood and ancestry. The nurture part seems to always get in the way of our reconciliation efforts however: this is the unusual story about how Ryan Coogler’s Black Panther helped me bridge this gap.
Collaborative Eavesdropping 