As we walk this journey together, I think some things are pretty clear (particularly because it’s my 40th post!): I’m passionate about friendship and I enjoy giving people their roses while they’re still around to smell them.
I started writing this on your birthday but I have to keep the kids guessing so that this doesn’t become a twist on a birthday message instead of the random celebration of all that you are to me. As always, let’s go back to the beginning. Er, at least as far back as I can remember. I definitely met you in one of our mutual friends’ Res Rooms in our first year of university. The problem is, I may have seen you in at least 3 different friend’s rooms so I can’t pinpoint which one was the first first time. I recall you sitting on someone’s bed laughing like you’d known us all forever. I can’t tell you how but my memory jumps to you lying on my boobs on a rainy day. There is no in between.
We couldn’t be more different but luckily I was trying to be open to new people when we met and we were bonded by mutual recent trauma. We had both been through a hard time at an All Girl school. While my wounds were exclusively confined to my final (matric) year, you had hated the entire experience. Both reformed tomboys, we understood the particularly unfun indoctrination of forced femininity that Girls Schools dished out in spades. We were also comfortable around female bodies and therefore lying on another woman’s breasts was as natural as a handshake to us. That’s where the similarities ended.
In my final year of high school, I saw flames. Friendships and people I trusted revealed themselves and let me down when it mattered most. I was still reeling from swimming in undiluted oestrogen and had developed a defensive aversion to what I called Girl School politics. It’s like intuition but for female dynamics. Still bruised from my experience I was trying to steer clear of “Cool Girls”. My saving grace is that the preceding 4 years had been wonderful, filled with memories and friendships that I cherish to this day and that it led me closer to you. I also had several years away from home under my belt. Independence was my 2nd language and you needed a tutor.
Enter you. You had been sent to your high school against your will and to hear you tell it, hated every single last second of it. You’re the only real life Bad Bad that I know up close and your endless supply of freakum dresses was terrifying to me. Yet there you sat, missing home on my chest: Mama’s baby, pretty in pink your vulnerabity was disarming. I still don’t know where we found common ground. When out clubbing, you became the friend most likely to disappear and this quickly led to minimal outings together moving forward. We became brunch buddies instead, a fair compromise.
Despite our unlikely pairing we persevered. You’re a fiercely loyal friend who had inspired fear in boyfriends who dared to hurt me. You’re a natural flirt and your cheekbones could cut glass and the first female baller I ever met given my childhood obsession with Love & Basketball this was the coolest thing about you before I got to know all the other things that make you awesome. You suffer no fools and will not be silenced when you believe something. I admire your heart so much, even when your hot head gets in the way, it’s still always clear where it’s coming from. You introduced me to onesies, costume jewelry and took me on my first ever spa day. You taught me that people can be so much more to you than you ever expected and the rewards of opening yourself up can gift you gems that you cherish forever. My boobs are always here for and I will continue to hold you accountable to your best self when you forget who the f*ck you are!
I love you you lovely loyal long-limbed bougie Bad Bad beauty.
Collaborative Eavesdropping 