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I am 30 now and I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night, startled awake by my own giggles. I greet my ancestors every morning now and every so often I sit in the peaceful warm embrace of my great great grandmother’s love. I’m trying to document how I got here and as usual, I’m bringing you along with me, with all the chaos of a stream of consciousness…
Continue reading “Surrender”
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Letters of resignation,
A cathartic overdue reflection. This is not a manual on how to quit. It’s a meditation on what happens when you get caught in the spin cycle of grief (Denial, Depression, Bargaining, Anger, Acceptance) and what happens after each stage of the tussle: a lovely mess.
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I’m learning to listen to all the dreams I whisper and “joke” about so that I don’t have to to reckon with the extent of my longing. The whispers are like seeds: tend to them for they’re trying to tell you the things that you’re not ready (or willing) to know about yourself yet.
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Alternate title: “I have other talents” a meditation on fear and failure.
I’m a dreamer, a scientist and an artist. An optimist and a realist. I believe in the life-affirming power of contradictions and fear.
Word to the wise: “I wish somebody would’ve told me/warned me/prepared me” is a shitty feeling. If we wanted women to succeed we would stop selling them fantasies. It’s not informed consent if you don’t know what to expect. We teach girls that they “become women” at menstruation, that they’re destined for motherhood (conveniently omitting sex as the path to said motherhood) and condition us our whole lives to become wives (“no one will marry you if… “) but somehow they still fail to tell us the truth. The whole truth. Fantasies are for children and continuing to perpetuate them robs us of our agency.
Continue reading “[Un]informed consent”
I don’t like writing about medicine if I can help it (ya’ll have asked). But as I start preparing to rejoin the clinical fracas (death by a 1000 cuts) I would like to reflect on power: I think we have a profound misunderstanding of the amount of power we wield over one another as colleagues. The damage we do. I’m going to tell you a tale of casual cruelty that stuck with me longer than it had any right to. But it illustrates my point perfectly *minor details changed for obvious reasons*
Continue reading “Casual[Cruel]ty”
A sweet short study of my favourite yellows: a colour so good you can taste it. It’s also a feeling I’m always chasing that somehow often captures me …
Continue reading “Buttermellow”
It’s been super gawky being reborn. Turns out that if you’ve accidentally been using your survival instict as a default function, over time it becomes your standard operating system. It’s been clunky unmaking and remaking myself, rediscovering and improving myself but here’s what I’ve got:
Continue reading “[Un]made”
*Usher Voice *: This is part 2 (and the last post of the year). I’m sharing the things that kept my joy afloat in these murky 2021 waters, it’s also an amalgamation of my favourite things. It’s both plug and light: a reminder that the #QuestForBeauty is attainable even in the darkest of times.
Continue reading “Wrapped Joy 202.2”
This post is special and not only because I’m sharing the things that provided a life-raft of joy in these murky 2021 waters. It’s an amalgamation of my favourite things on my little corner of the Internet. It’s both plug and light: a reminder that the #QuestForBeauty is attainable even in the darkest of times.
Continue reading “Wrapped Joy 202.1”
I take friendship seriously and it is a hill I’m willing to die on. Platonic intimacy is what keeps our human cylinders firing and we’ve collectively allowed it to become a secondary function of relationships. Your life partner will love you and do things to and for you that a friend cannot (eg. change your last name or bind your bloodlines) but what they cannot do is fulfill and round out your life the way friends can. Friendship is the prize. Always.
I think I have this idea in my mind that I’m a very laid back person . It’s dawning on me (at an admittedly snail’s pace ) that that’s simply untrue. I mean, there’s a lot that I don’t mind but there’s plenty that I do. And thats the secret: minding is OK!
Continue reading “Minding & Maintenance”
Collaborative Eavesdropping 